Feline Warrior

CDC - Influenza (Flu) | Weekly Report: Influenza Summary Update 12, 2004-2005 Season

You’ve been missing me? Find me on the map! I’m the sneezy one! I’ve gotta tell you, I do love that the CDC provides this - I will sleep better knowing that you may now access this crucial information about influenza!

God nose (ha!) it’s been a rough few days for me. Normally, with 4 days off, I’d be writing like a fiend… except for days like these last 4, wherein I pretty much could only sleep. Oh, and blow my nose.

By the way, I must defend Michael Jackson. No, no, not the molestation charges - of course he did it. I’m referring to the mean stories about his nose. Michael J. did NOT overdo the plastic surgery! No - it’s a lie! He had the flu and accidentally rubbed away crucial parts of his nose in the blowing process - just as I have been doing, lo, these past 4 days!

It’s all very tragic, though, don’t you think? I mean, first and foremost, me, sick - that’s enough to ruin anyone’s day. And then one death after another. I just don’t what I’ll do. Of course, I hadn’t gotten over Jerry Orbach’s death, and then Johnnie Cochran up and died (who knew he had a brain tumor?!), and then the pope, and then Saul Bellows. What’s next, people? Hmm? There’s only so much loss I can take in an undefined time period before I snap! ~SNAP!~

Do you think it would be weird to know -KNOW- that when you are dead, millions of people will file past your dead body to look at you? All dolled up, cheeks brightened up a bit, with the fanciest of pope outfits on… but… well, I don’t know if I could handle that. The pressure to leave a gorgeous corpse would be too much for me. (Although, and I mean no disrespect, John Paul II clearly wasn’t worried about that gorgeous corpse stuff. And why should he? He was the POPE, for cryin’ out loud!)

I’m still irritated with Dubya’s yammer about what a great human the pope was. Mostly, though, I am irritated that so many of my fellow Americans actually thought it was a good idea to re-elect Dubya. That’s probably the most irritating thing in my life on any given day. That and people who don’t find it necessary to use turn signals while driving.

In fact, let’s talk about turn signals, shall we? The most important thing to know about turn signals is that every car has them! Yes, a full set! Both ways, left & right! Woohoo! The next most important thing to know about turn signals is that they are a tool that allows you, the driver, to alert drivers all around you of your plans. Yes!

So, then, when you are getting close to that street where you need to turn right, you flip that bad boy, and everyone knows that YOU are going to be turning RIGHT! Yeah, baby! It’s so cool.

But there are those who seem to think that the turn signal somehow assists the car IN the turning process. That is, they turn their signal on AS they are turning the corner. Well, as a tool to alert the other drivers, the turn signal is just about useless when used in this fashion. However, I see it all the time. It would almost be better if those people would just yank their turn signal from their cars and toss them into the wind! “Be free, turn signals!” they can sing in harmony as they zip down the interstate.

Here’s another thing, related to the turn signal issue: There are those who do not actually turn on the signal until they are pulling into the lane, just ahead of you. They hover, speeding up and slowing down, as if you, the person who can let them into that lane, are a mind reader. Now, I do know what they’re up to. But if they don’t turn that turn signal on, let ‘em stay in that other lane until the cows come home! If you LET ME KNOW that you want to get into my lane, I will help you out! Honest - I do it all the time! But if you do that hovery-speedy-uppy-slowy-downy-thing (and then growl and wave your fist at me!), you had better be looking for another way in.

So now we’ve gone from influenza to people dying to turn signals. I can think of no better way to end an evening!