Feline Warrior

Here’s a doozy: I came across a Yahoo! profile that actually says these two things:

(1)  Marital status:  Married but looking

(2)   I have a son… And both he and my wife are the reason my heart continues to beat…

So it’s nice that this guy’s kid and wife are the reason his heart beats, and yet… he’s looking?  What the hell?!

I am learning new stuff all the time. For example, gossip is a commodity: It has value. I’m still working on understanding that value, but here’s where I am so far:

The juicier (ie, racier, naughtier, more shocking) the tale, the better -or more valuable- the gossip is. Likewise, when only a few people can claim to have the skinny on a particular tale, its value is driven way up. It’s your basic supply and demand situation.

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Here, now, the definition, according to the American Heritage Dictionary:

gos·sip (gsp)
n.

1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.

intr.v. gos·siped, gos·sip·ing, gos·sips

To engage in or spread gossip.

(Note: I removed two lines of definition that have completely different meanings than what I’m talking about here.)

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Not only have I found that gossip has a value of some kind, I have found that even if the gossip has enormous potential for damage to actual people’s lives, people will still spread it. In fact, perhaps woven into the value is the potential for damage - if familes could be broken up, the value doubles; if lives could be lost, it triples; if families could be broken up and lives could be lost, it quadruples.

And now the confession: I have participated in gossip. Yes, me, Franque, the Feline Warrior, a card-carrying member of the ACLU, Cowgirl Hall of Fame, Southern Poverty Law Center, and Emily’s List, brilliant student, and on and on… I share this confession to point out that one need merely be human in order to fall into the clutches of the gossip game.

I have been discussing this topic with several friends, and we are asking such questions as: What makes something gossip? and If I’m telling you about someone -how they’re doing, for example- is that still gossip? and When does something go from informative in a non-cruel way to gossip, which can, presumably, be cruel? Where is the line?

One important component in determining whether something is gossip is an examination of motives. If I am aware of my motives when telling a story about another person, or when listening to a story about another person, I will be closer to my answer.

Here are some questions I have come up with for myself as part of my quest to stop gossiping:

(1) Do I seek the information because it is a commodity? That is, is the information something that, once in my possession, will provide a link between me and friends? Is it something that I can use to gain new friends or acquaintances?

(2) Regarding the story itself - is it factual? Not is it supposedly factual, or probably factual, but do I know it to be fact?

(3) Can the sharing of the story cause damage? Setting aside personal feelings regarding the person or people involved in the story, could someone be hurt if this story spreads far enough? By hurt I mean such stuff as families breaking up, relationships ending, violence, uncomfortable situations in the work or school environment - that sort of thing.

(4) Would I tell this story -or listen to it being told- in the presence of the person or people whom the story is about?

When it dawned on me that gossip is a commodity, all sorts of ideas began to hit me, too. People who are in the know are often very popular; people who have a good, juicy story to tell often easily have the attention of all in their midst; and humans are sick fucks who will slow down to look at death and destruction on the freeway, but won’t stop to help an elderly woman with her bags on a city bus. That is, we thrive in a sick way on the misfortune of others.

Clearly, this deserves more pondering.