Feline Warrior

It seems to me that one of the biggest downsides of suicide is that you don’t get to observe the effects of the deed. So many people must imagine, at some point in the planning of their own demise, that alarming moment of discovery; the pain and agony that their untimely end will bring to those left behind must flash magnificently in his or her mind.

I’m not talking so much about the evil thought, “Ha-ha! Now they’ll be sorry!” because I really think that’s cliche. Think about it - there’s no glamour in such a quip. No, there must be at least one rich scene played out in the mind of the suicidal one; something like watching an overly dramatic play, wherein a note is read, tears are shed, hands wrenched, and so forth.

But alas, even those dramatic scenes played out in the mind prior to suicide are dismally sad because, as is clear at least to me, there will be no balcony seat from which to watch (smugly, perhaps) the aftermath of the suicide. Maybe the joy of the suicide is in knowing that it’s over –life, pain, a certain situation, something– and not really in the observation of reactions to the findings. By “findings” I mean a body, hanging, perhaps, or with wrists shredded red, or appearing to be asleep but really cold and dead. Or even the colorful yet horrifying brain matter spattered about a room, the top of a head blown off. You see my point, though.

The other big –perhaps bigger– downside of suicide is that there are no second chances. Whatever was wrong cannot be set right because it’s over, that life is done. There are no balcony seats for observation purposes and there is no encore or second act. Once you draw that curtain shut, it does not open again.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 14th, 2003 at 12:23 pm and is filed under ups and downs of suicide (burning bush). You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.